This week I shared a post on my Instagram @deannelovexo and asked all of you, humans whom I admire, to tell me what “living your truth” means to you.
The responses are phenomenal. You should go check them out after this podcast. What came back at me were some more questions, deep clarity and a boatload of courage.
It turns that tackling our truth and really living it is not as clear-cut as it might seem.
Now, because this week is about serving up realness and authenticity I have to let you know that there may be some colourful use of the English language, so you decide what is best for you.
Did you ever read that children’s book “Are you my Mother?” The baby bird cracks from the egg, falls out of the nest and goes on a hunt for his mother, he doesn’t know what she looks like or where she might be, but he knows with all of his heart that he has to find her.
He walks around asking a whole bunch of animals “are you my mother?” “are you my mother?” Of course they all roll their eyes and say no. There is a moment in the book when he questions if he even has a Mother, but sheer determination and faith makes him keep searching for her. He starts asking boats, trucks and planes if they’re his Mother. Then he then finds himself in this dangerous situation, right at his edge but miraculously it lands him safely back in the nest where he started the whole journey just as his mother swoops in, with some take out worms and a comforting hug.
Is this the story of seeking our truth?
Every fortnight I’ve been going to a Woman’s Circle. We are crafting our art of public speaking and defining our meaningful messages. We get up to speak our soul, fire up our voice. The other women in the group use rich and empowering phrases like “speak your truth” “embrace your truth” “become your authentic self” know your truth” “live in your truth”
So bold, so powerful, I’m always captivated.
…and then I am left questioning
What if you don’t know what your truth is?
How do you embrace something that you don’t fully understand? Something that is fluid and ever-changing?
What if you are still searching? How can we live in something that we are not entirely conscious of or we haven’t allowed ourselves to embrace?
What is your truth?
Is it something you say? Or the way you say it?
Is it the actions you take? Or how you take them?
Is it much greater than all of this? Something you reach out for but can’t always grasp?
Does it make you come alive, fierce, ecstatic or enraged? Is it so grand that you shrink under its pressure?
Or maybe it is just super freakin’ crystal clear to you, your faith in it is unwaivering. And for that Sister, I bow at your feet in awe.
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. -Buddha
As I drove home from Monday nights circle, along the dark highway I turned off the music and tapped deeply into my own connection with truth.
What is mine? Do I still know it? When did it change? Do I really live it? Is it something that has become so much a part of me that I can’t define it anymore?
Then a revelation struck me…
I’ve chanted with monks, haris and matriarchs. I have danced through the fires, crawled through the jungle, astrally projected, had visions so profound no words can articulate them, spoken in tongues while holotropic, prophesized through dreams, feng shui’d, smudged and gonged countless spaces, hung with my spirit guides, chatted with Angels, studied scriptures.
Screamed, fasted, cleansed, colonic’d, bathed, convulsed, meditated, vortexed, believed, surrendered, traveled, studied, smoked, silenced and sweat my prayers dry.
I’ve had coffee up my bum, needles in my meridians, crystals in my vagina.
Source energy through my soul, ecstasy in my veins, the body of Christ in my belly
I have loved, lost, grieved and been burned. I’ve been down, out, rock bottom’d, high, ecstatic and embodied.
I’ve exprienced truth through Reiki Masters, crystal bowls, dance floors, Sacred Geometry, terrifying plane rides, mud baths, business coaches, nude yoga, childhood trauma, ecstatic dance, true love, water ceremonies, sacred sexuality in the city, womb healing, Drag Queens, Japanese shiatsu, sustained spinning and sobbing on the floor of my shower.
I’ve drawn mandalas in sacred sites, done breath work in Balinese wantilans, robed shaking at Osho gatherings, Full Moon skinny dipping at Yoga training, bared my soul at hula hoop retreats, swam with mermaids on tropical islands, purged at cult meetings and hummed with fake healers and…
I turned away from most of it when I accepted that…
The more I know the more I realise how little I truly know
and that much of it may have just been a pure distraction from my real truth …although a wonderful ride that I will never, ever regret.
Now that’s some real truth right there
Last year…let’s call it the year of ice cream you might have heard me refer to it in past podcasts…it is the year I sat on my couch and wondered what the hell I was doing with my life, who I was and why any of this mattered…yes, the existential crisis fuelled by coconut choc-chip ice cream. Don’t feel too sorry for me though, it wasn’t all that bad, I got some savage insight into what it means to NOT live in your truth.
Let’s explore for a hot minute what NOT living, speaking and acting in your truth might look and feel like. I am an expert in this area thanks to my longitudinal study on multiple occasions.
Let me know if you can relate to any of these
- Your body gets loud, sad, stiff, disgruntled. Basically, she is pissed off for ignoring her, overworking, fuelling her with poisons either from foods, thoughts or the environment and she starts to speak her truth through pain, dis-ease and other symptoms. The body knows, always, without fail.
- It is absolute disrespect for your sacred connection with this Earth and all other beings. It is a blatant disregard for the wisdom that is inside of you and connects you to the intelligence of this planet through your cycles, rhythms, and breath.
- A crunchy, cringey, icky lack of confidence. Shutting down, closing off, retreating. Fear of judgment, criticism and conflict. Too scared to speak, act, move, be seen or heard. Hiding.
- Not giving or receiving. Holding back your service. Knowing that you are brilliant and you have a purpose but not knowing how to get it out, how to share it. Hanging back, sitting in indecision. It is resistance.
- Feeling like you don’t belong, like you are not good enough, no one else would understand, like other women are so powerful, gorgeous and empowered and wouldn’t be interested in hanging out with you or at least that is how it feels.
- Feeling numb, shallow, lifeless. Like you are in a space that you can’t or won’t move from. Not feeling the joy of life.
- Using food, addictions, repeating behavior patterns that hold you back, numb you out, keep you stagnant as a way of filling a void.
- Fixated on everything else, comparison, the achievement of others
- Caged by worries, imaginings, rehearsing conversations that will never be had
- Ignoring connection with nature and her cycles, being out of synch, disconnected, plugged into distractions, breathless…as in literally forgetting that you are in fact breathing at all. Relinquishing your magic and shutting out hers.
- Not knowing how to move forward or what to do next, even when you have all the tools, have done the work, have been through it all before
- Attached to outcomes, results, achievements, feelings. Trapped in shoulds and should-nots. Defined by body shape, size and appearance and never feeling like any of it is enough…strong enough, beautiful enough, clever enough, open enough, capable enough
“What if I told you that if you simply mix starlight, solitude, silence and softness, you may just learn everything you’ve ever needed to know about everything you hadn’t known?” ― Victoria Erickson
Now, of course, the contrast is always there to remind us that we can and will live in our truth, we must return to light, we are brilliant and ever powerful and we can move up and out of the void. We must be of service and make a difference, any way that we can.
So what does it feel like when you are living truth? What does it feel like to be the luminescence that is your natural state of being? To feel the joy that is your birthright?
Did you just feel an inner smile thinking about it?
Living, speaking, acting in truth feels… well, let’s be real, it feels exhilarating, terrifying and limitless…it feels euphoric, both wildly chaotic and blissfully calm
But perhaps that is just me.
If you breathe into your truth how does it feel?
Does it feel like becoming truly aware of what is worth your energy?
Is it the feeling you get when you say what you mean, with clarity?
Is it when creativity is flowing and you have the courage to share your greatness?
Is it helping out where you can? Softening into what is really needed? Knowing when to take time out?
Is it standing up for yourself, speaking out for others, getting paid what you are worth, fighting for rights that should already be yours or theirs? Doing whatever it takes for justice?
Does it feel like getting shit done, carving through distractions, being honest with yourself and others?
Does it feel like asking for what you need, being heard, voicing your desires clearly?
Does it feel like sharing joy with those around you, making space for more of that in your life?
Does it feel like everything inside of you is connected with everything outside of you, like your body, your soul, your voice and the universe becomes one? I say that without referring exclusively to spirituality or esoterics but more to reality. It feels like a great knowing and understanding of humanity and your connection with every other living creature.
Does it feel like the words you speak and the actions you take really matter, they do make a difference and they have a great purpose?
Does it feel like service, activism, deep change and upheaval for the betterment of it all?
Does it feel like the fear hasn’t entirely disintegrated, like it is still there to drag you through the edges, but it has softened and made space for resonance and mystery, for trust, there is an allowing, a reconnection and a reclaiming of love for self and for others?
Does it feel like compassion, consideration, care, consciousness?
Does it feel like you are pulled by something greater than you and you have no choice but to step up, leap in and let go?
Does it feel like a dance that you have danced before to a song that you love with someone you deeply understand and trust?
Again, I have to ask you, what is your truth?
Do you know it? Do you feel it?
Its ok if you don’t
Shall we do a thought experiment?
Let’s take a moment and 3 deep breathes, in through the nose and out through the nose
Full belly, full heart, full body
Begin free writing or free thinking
Complete these a few times over, write down your answers, leave them in the comments below or just let them drift through with whatever comes up.
My truth feels like…
My truth sounds like…
My truth tastes like…
My truth looks like…
My truth smells like…
My truth makes me want to…
My truth matters because…
My truth is undefined, it is messy and at times aloof
My truth is outraged and distant
My truth is devstated at what we have done and yet optimistic that we will find some peace
My truth is in pain, in disbelief and indifferent at times
My truth stays curious, gets scared, idle and unsure
My truth dances, a lot, whether she is on stage or hiding under the covers
My truth is shaky and fragile but she breathes deeply and stays connected
We are infinite
We are limitless
We are miracles
We are in deep shit if we don’t make some major global and environmental changes
My truth is creative, she is fluid, she is female
My truth is nudging me to dance with the divine
My truth is wise, compassionate, crystal clear
My truth is embodied movement, acts of joy, shared courage
My truth purifies, simplifies, strengthens, turns towards the light while she stays aware of shadows
My truth is learning, growing, dedicated and present
My truth cuts through the bullshit
My truth is healing me and I can heal myself
My truth knows it’s all an illusion
My truth is service
My truth is a teacher
My truth is love
My truth is I am what I am and that is bloody good enough
My truth is freedom
My truth is that I am a woman making her way through this world aware and often ashamed of my privilage but with as much courage, creativity and clarity as I can soften into…everything else seems to fall away as I do that and share what I can and truthfully I am supremely grateful
What is your truth?
This week feels very potent and yet I have questioned why this topic even matters and whether or not I should just delete this. Each time I have circled back around to THIS:
understanding who we are, what we value and how we want to take positive action in the life is vital for truly living and making a difference.
I have worked with hundreds of women around the world and the biggest stumbling blocks we face are often questioning “Who am I?”, what is my special sauce, how does that translate into an offering to this world and what is my greater vision for that?
Knowing your truth is the foundation of it all; showing up, living creatively with courage and clarity means embracing authenticity and understanding that the truth will set you free.
It would mean the world to me and to many other women if you would contribute your truth int he discussion below. What came up when you were listening to this podcast? Is this a block for you or are you very much aligned with your truth? What do you have to share?