I find myself giving reassurance over and over again. How am I qualified to be giving this feedback? Well, I have an overly rambunctious Inner Mean Girl and I have spent decades trying to work her out.
Not wanting to fight with the Inner Mean Girl but telling her very directly that we mean business, we are going to take action and we will put ourselves first in the process is super important. We don’t have anything to prove to her but she will take back her bitter words when she sees us going for it, taking the steps, walking the talk instead of being held back by her nastiness.
I have a theory about our Inner Mean Girl. The one that tells us we are not good enough, don’t know enough, don’t look the right way and that we are absolutely destined to fail at this. She has a voice that is the culmination of all the harsh voices, failures, pain and troubles we have experienced in the past. All of those events and people become part of this whirlpool of doubt and despair that projects the voice of the Inner Mean Girl. She is past pain personified.
The thing about her is that she is an awesome fighter and only gets louder when we try to push her away, she wants recognition but will completely take over the moment we give her too much attention. She responds only to action, while she won’t back down she will give us all the space we deserve only when we own and acknowledge our true strengths, values and visions but most importantly she softens, tones it down and respectfully takes her place in the back of the room only when we take action with courage instead of spending so much time up in our headspace trying to fight with her.
So here are some answers to your questions. Pass this onto your Inner Mean Girl.
I won’t share the collective questions…you already know them because you have asked yourself a thousand times and many of you have also asked me. We know the questions, let’s embrace the answers.
1. No one knows all the answers. And you certainly won’t know everything before you step into the next role that you desire. If you wait until you know everything then not only will you be wasting precious time but you will be waiting forever because the one guarantee is that there will always be more to learn. It is only through action and courage that we learn but we can fully embrace that we will never know everything. Focussing on the things that you have accomplished and you have learned rather than the things that you have not is going to help you put things into perspective. So take a big sigh of relief on that one, you don’t have to know everything to start. So start now.
2. What you have to offer is far more valuable than you realize. Sometimes it is hard to put into words or express that value, sometimes the Inner Mean Girl or the feelings of comparison will make you doubt your value. You will likely worry that others won’t see the value, they won’t understand or like it, they might laugh at you or reject you. Those fears are just imaginings they are not real and have not happened. And even if someone has criticized your value, that means two things 1. they are not your audience, your tribe, your customer and that is perfectly OK 2. their comments say more about them as a person than they do about the value of what you have to offer.
Side note: In the first module of Hoop Love Coach Training we dig deep. I ask you to embrace your story in all of its glory. And yes you have one, we all have one, we are living this life. Having said that, you don’t need to bare all to be of service. You get to choose. I saw a beautiful quote by Danielle La Porte today “your scars are someone else’s sign of hope” Sharing your story is a part of being beautifully and authentically you and it can help others more than you know.
3. On that note…comparison is not only the killer of joy it is the destroyer of a content and calm soul. Steer away from it as often as it pops up. We have no need to compare our story, our skills, our status or achievements. We are all powerfully unique in our own way and can never be someone else so the act of comparison is as productive and helpful as watching paint dry…or those #oddlysatifying videos on Instagram. Useless.
4. Stay connected. Not in a scrolling-through-Instagram kind of way or a responding-to-every-notification-on-your-phone kind of way but in a real face to face, sharing, caring, asking for help and offering support kind of way. I can’t stress this enough. Find support, reach out for it, get a coach, connect with a mentor, ask for help. You are not supposed to do this alone. I know that asking can sometimes be terrifying but together we rise and alone we…get stuck in our heads fighting with the mean girl.
5. Move your body. More. When you change your physiology and focus you change your world. It’s exactly why hooping has changed so many lives.
There’s a whole lot more than I could say but we haven’t got all day to stand around arguing with the Inner Mean Girl. We got places to go, people to teach, hoops to make, tricks to practice, emails to reply to. And I am in no way suggesting that being busy is a badge of honor but taking action, even tiny steps are always the best antidote for your Inner Mean Girl’s chattiness.
Tell her I say hi!