Can you think of a time in your life when you took a leap, a risk, did something outrageous, soul-stirring?
The sequence of events after the jump had you seriously questioning your decisions, your happiness, maybe even your sanity but then as you trusted, stayed in flow and open what came next was nothing short of life-altering and truly miraculous, events that brought you to your knees with gratitude, circumstances that would never have happened if you had held back, played small. A chain reaction was set off in the most fantastic way by you finding the courage to take a jump into something unknown.
I can think of countless…
If I had never packed up my life, moved to Tokyo, gone against it all, dragged myself through the sadness, loneliness and near breaking points I would never have lived out my wildest dreams, started hooping, met Masao, all of the incredible friends along the way, experienced huge learning curves and rocky lessons, manifested epicness and all that followed, I would never have met you.
Every event in your life has led to this moment, right here and now. Every step, leap, heartbreak, awakening, joyous moment brought you here.
Sometimes the events are not as huge as moving across the planet, sometimes they are random and seemingly insignificant at the time but the ripple effect is nothing short of phenomenal. If you stay open.
My girlfriends and I are sitting on the couch after a silent disco at my studio, deep into the second bottle of red, we are giggling about a Facebook invite I had just received. A spanking workshop. We speculate about the activities included in such a workshop. After much laughter and lewd remarks, we all decide that spanking is def not our love language of choice; we ignore that invite.
Mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, while Mas is in grabbing organic cauliflower and coconut ice cream, I see an ad for a different kind of workshop. A weekend of feminine dance and play, the women in the ad look creative and conscious, I book it instantly without a thought. Not sure what to expect, I’m mostly interested in the facilitation of a full weekend of dance. Sure to be a bit of fun and might learn something along the way. I am excited to see how the teacher guides us through the dance.
I’m sitting in my car parked in front of a dance studio in Byron Bay, mindlessly starring down at my phone. I suddenly wonder how I even got here. Zoomed down the highway, tunes up, window down, carefree; it’s just hit me that I might not be fully prepared for what is about to happen. Maybe I should just turn around and go home, back to my yummy, warm nest with Masa, my comfort zone. I still have time to change my mind, no one would even notice.
Heart beating faster, I think to myself “you have done far more outrageous things than this before Deanne; performed on stages around the world, danced half-naked on podiums in front of crowds, paraded down city streets swinging your hula hoop. What is the big deal?”
I bundle up my stuff and gingerly walk towards the building, eyes down, sifting through my bag, nervously looking for nothing. Making a b-line for the bathrooms, check my teeth in the mirror and fix my hair. I wonder if I should have worn something different and if I really need to pee or am I just terrified…still deciding.
As I walk through the door of the studio I am bombarded by the sweet scent of flowers and glowing smiles. A beautiful woman who looks like a Goddess says something to me but the sound of my internal chatter drowns it out. I notice other women also rummaging through their stuff, wonder if they are nervous too. I take my place on the cool, wooden floor and pretend like I know what I am doing…maybe a Yoga stretch or a deep breath. Yes, just breathe. My first full belly breath since I arrived. It floods me with a sense of peace. For a moment.
Other women start floating through the door; each with unique beauty and presence. I keep my head down and gaze soft, there will be enough time to get to know each other over the weekend and I am feeling increasingly awkward, shy. Excitement exists somewhere in there.
I could just get up and leave. But I came here for something. I spontaneously booked this weekend with a strong sense of knowing this is exactly what I need. Breathe. Again.
I am here for me, to dance, be free, express, explore, enjoy. Go deeper. For myself.
The activities begin. I’m instantly thrown into the joy of sensual movement, completely immersed in every hip pop, hair flip and undulation of my own. Infatuated with play. Sweet scents, writhing bodies, pulsing beats. This is where bliss resides. Everything else melts away with the richness of each experience as we dance deeper and deeper towards complete connection with our soul and with each other.
Spellbound by the depths of flow. As bodies glide through space I am ever present to Hers, I stay at a distance, eyes down, only feeling Her radiance through the swirling energy of the room.
Time slides, we come to the most anticipated activity of the weekend. Our guide sets up a circle of chairs in the middle of the room and invites half of the women to be seated. I hang back. Is this the moment I leave? Or is this what I have been waiting for? I fumble with my clothing, tugging at the lace I had rushed out to buy the night before, it is concealed under my regular clothes, the comfy ones I always hide behind. The rest of us are called to stand in front of one of the seated women. Stalling, fidgeting, I look up to see who I will be partnered with. One woman sits alone. I notice the smooth shape of her neck and the way her hair falls.
I feel an internal shiver, a rippling throughout my entire body. A knowing that all I have to do is surrender to this moment. As I stand before her, hesitantly looking down at my feet, a wave of complete emptiness washes over me, peaceful, somehow all the stories and chatter disappear in the moment. As the music begins I feel it rise up through me, I reach for my chest, my pulsing heart. I know she is looking at me, I can feel her. Slowly making my way to lock eyes with this breathtakingly beautiful stranger, despite all of my resistance, when we meet I am stunned by the power of her attention. The seductive force of her inviting beauty.
As I dance through time everything seems to stand still, I can no longer hear the music or see the others around us, all I feel is Her. Suddenly nothing else in the entire universe exists, like the only reason we are here in this moment together is to experience our souls intertwining, no humanly distractions in our way.
A friend recently asked me what I think humans truly desire the most. I said “I don’t know about anyone else but I truly desire to feel alive”
Some people might think that simply by being on Earth we are alive, but I think it is only when we allow ourselves the full richness and beauty of this human experience through our bodies, connection with ourselves and others, that we embody life. It is only when we are this vulnerable that we can say we are living.
Poetically, her name was Grace. When I looked into her eyes not only did I witness a strong, naturally playful human being but I also saw myself, staring back at me, giving me full and undivided attention. Witnessing every part of me was a perfect reflection. For a moment I knew that I could give myself permission to adore the woman I have become. I only hope she felt that for herself too.
The story could have stopped right there. But why would it? There’s always more.
And then there was the Moon.
To add some cosmic context to this story. The women’s weekend was on July 7. 7th of the 7th under the first eclipse of three in a sequence that would see a beginning, end and major awakening. 11 years to the day after I picked up a hoop and my life completely transformed. Also the day of the year I would often tell my mother, as a child, that I wish I was born on. Couldn’t she have waited 6 months? I was born on the 7th of the 1st, 77. How cool to have been born on the 7th of the 7th 77. Are you a number cruncher too? The following sequence of events would happen under the longest lunar eclipse of the century, a blood red moon in Aquarius. Not to mention Mercury.
I’m waiting at the front of a restaurant. Not feeling myself, in more ways than one. When I see her I instantly realize our souls only meet when we dance. Words, they get in the way. Questions, stories, shadows. We talk. Wait, I talk, too much. This was a bad idea.
We walk. A lot. Her feet hurt so badly. Because she is indecisive, stuck, insecure. I sense that in her words, the way she holds herself, her caged demeanor. Why did I agree to this, why did I seek this out, the fantasy is always better than the reality.
I can feel the moon. The eclipse is here. Prepare for discomfort, I whisper to myself.
I am not myself.
We came to dance the wave. First, we search for the moon. It all feels so forced, we are stuck in the city, I can’t wait to get to the dancefloor and then back to the moon, release this stuck feeling. In my head, cut off from my body,
Finally, we reach the dancefloor, the music draws me in but my overactive brain takes me out. I want to leave. Can I just leave her here? I step outside for some air. I look up at the moon and say “just tell me what to do, pls” She says “you already know” ugh. Why so cryptic?
She was right though. I did know. And something was about to happen that would change the course of everything.
As we sit in circle at the closing of 5 Rhythms, the same 5R that I had signed up for while I lived in Tokyo the same 5R that I had been telling myself I would visit for a decade but never had, the leader mentioned a woman, a dancer, a Creatrix, a fellow facilitator who would be visiting Australia in September to lead some workshops, suddenly the gathering burst into words of adoration and honour for this woman. She wasn’t even in the room, she wasn’t even in the country and yet she lit up the space with her creativity and love through the words of others. I must meet her, I thought. I must be in her presence.
And then. Maybe it was the eclipse, maybe it was a day of playing small and feeling stuck, maybe it was the dance medicine still rolling through my soul…it hit me…the reason I was actually here…I have the ability to fill a room with love (we all do), I have the passion and life work to facilitate movement. An epiphany. Only I have the power to give myself that permission. Why was I holding back? Why was I doubting all of this? And then something in me shifted.
Arriving home at 1:11am after what felt like a strange Tinder date gone horribly wrong, I was greeted by warm tea, Masa’s strong hugs and silly sense of humor as I cried the experience out until I felt a sensation that can only be described as my heart cracking, broken open. As the solar eclipse kicked its full magic into play I walked to the ocean and sat under its alignment, burned away what I no longer needed and crushed the ashes under rose quartz. Nope, this ain’t no witchy shit, it’s nature and respecting her cycles enough to know that 70% of our bodies are water, she affects our tides too.
Is there a moral to this story? Where am I going with this?
Trust. It’s a tough one. When your heart is breaking, your life is stuck, your head is hurting, your world is crumbling. How do you find the strength to remember that from acts of courage, sometimes spontaneous ones others times very deliberate, come a ripple effect so powerful if you are willing to leap into its stream that your life can and will be exponentially charged.
When you are confused. See no sense or signs. Don’t know which way to turn. It can be challenging to have faith that everything is unfolding just as it should.
But here is where the real magic resides. Turning inwards and listening carefully amidst the clutter and distractions.
This little journey of mine, I have shared it as a reflection for you. A story of how life unfolds in the most glorious ways.
I took a leap, followed a spontaneous urge, felt the fear and did it anyway, discovered new found levels of connection with myself and others, opened myself up to raw vulnerability, had my heart rejected and ignored, begged the moon for guidance, cleared it all away to uncover the real treasure of this adventure which was residing in me all along but in all my human like wonder was of course searching for it outside of me.
What happened after that night? I am sure you are dying to know.
I opened my eyes. I stepped out of the shadow. I said yes to the huge offers that had been calling me to share my teachings internationally. I instantly booked into the 5R workshop with the woman others spoke so highly of, She doesn’t even know it yet, but was the instigator of profound change in me and I am sure will continue to be after I experience her workshops in September. I said yes to stepping into my role as movement facilitator even more boldly and have spent the week shooting epic sunrise videos, collaborating with caterers and co-creating with another divine goddess to lead my own women’s retreat (details soon). I filmed a long overdue online course with another movement teacher and dear darling friend, to be shared with the world very soon. I launched my own ecstatic movement series to be held weekly in our studio. It is like I suddenly said yes to life all over again and goodbye to distractions, playing small. You could say I became unstuck. All under the light of three eclipses. They say good things come in three.
Sometimes the events are not as huge as moving across the planet, sometimes they are random and seemingly insignificant at the time but the ripple effect is nothing short of phenomenal. If you stay open. You’ll see it when you believe it.